Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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