There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
