honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
