i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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