I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
