Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
