everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
