You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
