You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
