Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
