Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
