i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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