Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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