why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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