I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
