were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
