So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
