I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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