She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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