Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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