Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
