Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
