in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
