Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
