I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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