so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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