Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
