my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
