so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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