'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
