Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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