This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
