i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
