You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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