Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
