You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
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You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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