true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize