something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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