I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
