I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
