It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize