come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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