i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
