I'm jealous of your bromance
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
