He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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