If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You need Xanax blowdarts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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