i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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