Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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