he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
