I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
