Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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