We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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