Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
