a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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