Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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