That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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