dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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