Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
