my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
